Questions you Should Ask before Accepting a New Child

It is really important to be sure that you know as much as you can about any child that comes into your home, for your benefit as well as the childs. You want to be as sure as possible that you are going to be up for the challenge, and the child stays in one placement.
Here are some critical questions:
1. Why is the child being placed into care?
2. Has the child been in previous foster care homes?
3. Are there any behavioral issues that you need to be aware of?
4. Does the child have any special needs?
5. What is the current family situation? divorce, single parent, access
6. Does the child have siblings? Are they in care?
6. What is the visitation situation/Schedule?
7. How is the child doing in school? Grade? Are there any special needs?
8. Will there be a preplacement visit?
9. Does the child have any medical issues/allergies?
10.Does the child have any problems interacting with other children? Any history of violence or causing damage to property?
11. Are you aware if the child has any specific likes or dislikes that I should be aware of to make this child feel comfortable and at home ie foods, toys, etc.

This will allow you to make as informed a decision as possible. You may not get the answer to all of your questions but at least you are preparing.

What is going on with our Families? Childrens AID Statistics

The statistics in Ontario for families needing help are frightening!
The most recent data in Ontario:
75790 calls to Childrens Aid Society (CAS) reporting suspected child abuse or neglect
77890 referrals to CAS from families, doctors, teachers, neighbours with concerns re safety, abuse, neglect.
27,816 children needed to be moved to substitute homes
7017 foster homes are available in Ontario
There are 8277 full time social workers, youth and child workers, admin staff etc for 53 childrens aid societies in Ontario.

There are many suburban areas where more foster homes are needed and children are having to be moved out of their local area for care or they are moved to group home situations. You can imagine how difficult it would be for a child to be moved away from their school and friends if it wasn't necessary.

The other frightening thing for me was the absolute number 75,790 calls, 77890 referrals. Just visualize that group gathered in one place and imagining that all of these families are potentially in crisis or need assistance. And these are only the families that were identified. There are many other families out there that are never identified.

What is happening to our families? Are we in society not putting enough value on family and child rearing? Do we focus too much on all of the other skills in life and just assume these key skills come naturally?

Helping Foster Children Manage Questions and Comments from Others

Imagine how difficult it must be to be in a new home with strangers, a new school and to make matters worse how do you handle the questions and comments that others have. Most children are not equipped to deal with this. It might be very helpful to discuss this with the child in advance- even role play so they get comfortable with this. The child needs to know that they have the right to privacy and to not answer any questions. "Why are you not living with your own family?" I'm not going to bore you with my long story, who wants to play soccer or race to the end of the playground. or Do you know how boring it is to get asked that question? and walk away. "Why don't your parents want you?" They do want me, but right now I am choosing to live here. Come on lets go do something else. "Do you miss your parents?" Sure. -distract the kids on to another activity. Some kids may prefer a "cover story" and for example that you are their uncle or aunt. That is ok as well. Remember this is all about make the child feel as safe and comfortable as possilbe.

First Impressions Count

So I have been researching and thinking about that first day. The first day a child will be welcomed into our home for a short period or longer period. What are some of the key things I need to do that first day? I tried to put myself in the place of that child- how awkward they will feel, unwelcome and uncomfortable, scared, unsure... I think the most critical thing is to try and go outside and greet them as they are getting out of the car, so they don't have that walk up to front door waiting and wondering what we will be like. Another key is the greeting,trying to make them feel comfortable but acknowleding their feelings - something along the lines of "We are so glad that you are coming to live in our home. I am sure you feel uncomfortable and maybe wish that you were elsewhere, but we are going to do everything we can to make you feel welcome and enjoy your time here until you go back home. Lets go inside and meet everyone." Tour of the house, show them where things are in the kitchen. Drinks in the fridge- with any caveats- help yourself to drinks anytime. Do you drink milk? I think milk is healthier so try and choose that more often than juice. Brief discussion about food likes- ie top 2 favorite foods, top 2 favorite meals. Time to unpack. Discussion about house rules and communication. What do they need right away (ie clothes, toothbrush) Maybe a walk with the dog to unwind and get to know each other in a low pressure environment. Those are my initial thoughts and obviously needs to be adjusted to the age and personality of the child.

Not all Sunshine and roses

One of the critical things you need to think about as a potential foster family is the impact it will have on your own family. Are you ready to support and care for children with real emotional and behavioral problems?
One of the key things I did through the process was research on the internet. I went to forums and message boards to try understand what some of the real challenges were facing foster families and children. It is not all sunshine and roses. Childrens Aid does not want to remove children from their home, they want to support and help families stay together. So the children who are removed must have lived through some very difficult and traumatic scenarios. Children are incredibly resilent but it is not realistic to think that they will behave and act like your own children. Some of these children will have difficulties in school and will need your help with homework- do you have the time and energy to do this? Some may have behavior issues, some may have temper tantrums, lying and stealing could be an issue and they need to be parented in a very positive supportive of way because many of these behaviors come from not trusting the adults in their life. You need to be able to build that trust. One thing to keep in mind is that you won't be doing this alone you will have the support of children's aid. You can't be expected to have all of the answers. So I wrote this not to scare people away but because I believe it is better to expect the worst and plan for the best than to be blindsided. If you can help just one child.....

Hurray Up and Wait

We are so excited, but it is taking so long. Then comes the issue of summer vacation and kids being out of school. What do we do? If we had the child in our care earlier on we could plan and organize camps and daily supervised activities but how can you do that last minute? So now I am getting nervous about getting that call and committing without knowing if I can organize the support network around it?