First Pride Class: Through the eyes of a child

Wow! The PRIDE class was large. Just an estimate but probably 25 couples. There were definitely a few single individuals present. There were so many different reasons people had for fostering. Some families were looking at kinship placement (relatives child needed placement), some families were looking at adoption, single older women who had adopted and their children had left home and they felt they wanted to help other children. I really like the combination of kinship placement, adoption and fostering together for the training. Kinship really helped give you insight into some of the situations these children were coming from. Adoption families helped remind you that if the child ends up in a termination of parental rights there are good homes and families that want them. Fostering really focused on the here and now, helping children in their immediate situation and transitioning them to reunification or to adoption.
One of the key concepts was to look at things "through the eyes of a child". What a great term and important reminder for us as parents and foster parents. The only way for any positive resolution to any situation to occur is to understand and listen to the other persons point of view. We always need to be able to see things through the eyes of a child

Dr Phil on Foster Care

Ok. Are there any good stories to share about Foster Parents? According to Dr. Phil -not too many. I found watching this program very discouraging. It focused on how great it was to volunteer and support the system by becoming a CASA- court appointed special advocate. The program focused on the children who did not have a good experience in the system. I do believe there are those cases but there are also the other stories. There are some incredible foster parents, who have given up life as they knew it and chosen a life of turmoil, stress, love, and new relationships instead. I wish Dr. Phil had shown the good with the bad. Who wants to become a foster parent if they are labelled as the broken part of the system????

One part of the program I did really connect with was: what happens to those children that age out of the system. Often they are on their own, no family, no support trying to make it on their own. I have thought of this often during our training. I hope that I am one of those Foster parents that is able to maintain connections, and help support former adult foster children through their lives. Do I have enough of me to give????

Are my kids on board?

Basically kids are very egocentric. My youngest teen is very keen. He is an empathetic soul who wants to help others. I think he also may have fantasies of being a big brother. He is amazing with children. I could see him being a teacher some day. My oldest is fine as long as his life doesn't change dramatically. Oh, and he doesn't want any embarassment at school. He is a tougher guy, but deep down he truely cares about others so he is into it. I think it is really important that our children are allowed to express their concerns, as a parent it will allows us to be sensitive to any situations that may arise. I also think this will be an incredible journey for my children. It will allow them to get a real picture of the lives and experiences that others have and the path is not always easy. I think it will also allow them to see the impact that the choices people make have on others lives.

Eye Opener

Our first meeting was quite an eye opener. Small group meeting to learn about becoming a foster parent and ask and get questions answered.

The basics were covered. Expectations that children will have their own room and space on the same sleeping floor as your family. The social worker asked "Does anyone know why we would expect that children have their own rooms for sleeping?" An older gentleman answered "Of course to protect yourself. Look what happened to poor micheal jackson.. the poor guy had sleepovers with kids and then everyone is all over him..." Dead Silence in the room. Somehow I don't think bringing up micheal jackson in your first meeting with a social worker is a good thing.

The beginning

At the beginning of the year we made contact with our local childrens aid society. We had a group meeting with other interested parents to learn about the process of becoming a foster parent. Homestudy, Foster Parenting courses (PRIDE), Criminal checks, Fire Inspections, Insurance etc. We were naive as to how long the process would take from initial contact to final completion. At this point we are 6 months into the process. My advice is to make sure you understand that this process will take some time. We started getting a little discouraged three months into it when it became clear it would take alot longer than we thought. We were so excited about helping children in need and then it just seemed to be dragging on. We had to change our mindset that we were in this for the long haul.
The Pride courses are really valuable, although they do lack some depth. The key is they give you a really good overview into looking at this process through the eyes of the child. It really helps you internalize that the main goal is reunifying children and their parents. It is about building stronger families. The homestudy consisted of some psychological/behavioral testing, couple interviews, individual interviews, interviews with your children, reference checks etc. They told us to expect it would be intrusive. Is it? Sure if you are not comfortable with sharing your life and being open. Some people are not and feel it is no one's business but there own. Both my husband and I are fairly open books and in fact I probably share too much on occassion. Bottom line my perspective was none of us is perfect- childrens aid does not expect that. So all in all the process requires lots of commitment- hours of your time for training, interviews, inspections but in the end wouldn't you expect that kind of depth if your own child was placed in a foster home? Don't get me wrong- on occassion I was complaining when is this going to be over with?

Starting the Journey

For a very long time we have thought about becoming foster parents. When my own children were young, I was worried. Would they be safe, was my primary concern. Our life was also hectic and there were more stresses on my marriage in those years. Of my own making. I wanted to be supermom, super employee, super wife...... you get it. I wanted everything to be perfect and done. A clean house, clean kids, lots of activities. What I have learned is something has to give. So here I am now. My children are teenagers, I have given up nagging my husband (for the most part) and I accept the imperfections of my life. It seems like I am at the perfect stage in my life to give back.
What could I do? Africa- help build communities. No, I just don't have it in me- bugs, spiders, food... I thought about volunteering with a program that delivers meals to children at schools. Then I thought about what am I really good at and what do I love. Back to Fostering. My husband was extremely supportive and while excited is not how I would describe his reaction at first. I can say now that he is excited.
There are so many children that need a safe and happy home that will support them through a difficult time in their lives. I know we have what it takes to give back on this level.